Mary’s Heart

“I don’t want to be me anymore,” a friend recently lamented. And who could blame her? She had been going through what a therapist might call “a season” of trials, but what she was thinking of more in terms of DECADES. A rough family life, a chronic illness, a sick child…and then on top of it all the car broke down. “Really?” she said, casting her eyes Heavenward in what appeared to be a bit of sarcasm. “Another problem, Lord?”

And somehow this train of thought brought me to Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Pregnant out of wedlock, probably no more than 16-years-old, if that, Mary must have wondered why on earth God wasn’t making this easier. Then the long ride to Jerusalem on the donkey with a baby bouncing on her bladder, only to arrive and find that there was no room at the inn.

Do you think Mary grumbled, while rubbing her sore back and picking through the hay to find a clean place to lay down in the stable? And of course, as all babies do, hers decided to come at what she probably thought was the worst possible time, but God knew it was the best. Alone, quiet, surrounded by animals and her husband, (a man who loved her enough to still marry her despite her soiled reputation), she gave birth to Jesus. When the Shepherds came, filled with awe and the Wise Men showed up bearing Gifts, Mary must have thought “This is it. This is what God had in mind.”

But no, the trials weren’t over. Herod started killing babies and she and her small family had to flee to Egypt.

There came a time when Mary got to return to her homeland, but it still wasn’t easy. People wondered about the little boy she was raising, and why he was different. They whispered about him when they thought she couldn’t hear – and even when she could. They teased him. They bullied him. Even those closest to him gave him a hard time. “For even his own brothers did not believe him.” (John 7:5)

Mary probably lived in fear after the conspiracies started and people wanted to kill her son. How could she protect him? Where could she hide him?

And at the end, when he was brutally tortured, falsely accused, and put to death on a cross, she was unable to do anything to stop it.

I wonder if Mary ever thought “I don’t want to be me.” As she watched her girlfriends raise families under easier circumstances, and their sons grow up, marry and have children of their own. Did she ever regret saying “yes” to God that one dark night when the angel visited her with the promise of a savior?

I don’t think so. I think Mary was sensitive enough to know that the future is far more awesome than we can see right now. While she was the witness of much pain and suffering, she was also amazingly blessed. Her little boy was teaching elders in the church at age 12, turning water into wine at a friend’s wedding, and walking on water.

While Mary probably kept trying to “save” Jesus, (what mother wouldn’t?) it’s just possible that she knew she had it backwards. That wasn’t her job. Her job was to raise him, so that He could save her. And us.

Next time you question what you’re going through and why, remember Mary, and think of God’s great promises and blessings for our future. Remember that sometimes in your deepest pain will you find your greatest miracles. And remember Christ, who was born so that you could live.

Only God knows our future. Trust Him in all things.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,” Proverbs 3:5

Have a blessed Christmas season!

Pam